ode to oh nine

i did NOT write this ode - though i wish that i had...


let's drink to '09
with a good belt of wine
(though whiskey may well be more fitting)
the Recession was hairy
the Swine Flu was scary
and Oprah announced she was quitting

while we loved Lady Gaga
the Octomom Saga
struck many as shameless and wrong
we witnessed the rift
between Kanye and Swift
and Phelps was caught smoking a bong

when a pilot's swift brain
saved his passenger plane
on the Hudson, the tale was a thriller
Balloon boy was phony
as rubber baloney
the abs on werewolves were killer

a governor's flame
was an Argentine dame
bringing scandal to South Carolina
there were pirate attacks
there was Goldman and Sachs
there was poisonous drywall from China

the Prez was sworn in
and he flashed us a grin
while exuding his usual charms
though some thought it shady
the stylish First Lady
asserted her right to bare arms

while Michelle was in Vogue
Sarah Palin went Rogue
and political tensions were showing
with the gathering storm
over health care reform
the Tea Party movement was growing

the Hollywood crews
gave us "Transformers 2"
while "Up" was a true work of art
there was Bruno (a jerk)
and a young Captain Kirk
and an overweight mall cop named Blart

those ad men on "Mad Men"
were sexy-yet-sad men
with lives full of pressure and toil
Adam Lambert came out
leaving no shred of doubt
and who didn't love Susan Boyle?

O'Brien shown bright
as the star of "Tonight"
Stephanopoulos stepped in for Sawyer
and of course a divorce
was so quickly in force
that we watched "Jon and Kate Plus Her Lawyer"

when a huge SUV
hit a hydrant and tree
the juiciest rumors proved true
the endorsements went winging
for that kind of swinging
just wasn't the Tiger we knew

and Pop lost its King
what a terrible thing
for a singer with hit after hit
there were songs and orations
and loud lamentations
for everyone knew this was it

there were others as well
who went out, sad to tell
we saw Cronkite and Kennedy fall
Bea Arthur is gone
Ed McMahon passed on
and Mary left Peter and Paul

with the passing of Farrah
we ended an era
and Soupy and Swayze went, too
DeLuise said goodbye
and the Oxy-Clean Guy
and the soft-spoken star of "Kung Fu"

yet some news was brighter
and made us feel lighter
in spite of our sorrow and peeves
there was Google Wave chat
and a keyboarding cat
there were trendy new blankets with sleeves

though we still can't erase
all the troubles we face
from the climate to high unemployment
let's be of good cheer
and they won't interfere
with our holiday fun and enjoyment

we'll turn from the news
to whatever we choose
be it Lifetime or ESPN
and after a break
we'll be ready to take
the big plunge into Two Thousand Ten

source unknown - proper credit cannot be given