hand me down

it was Cyber Monday...
there was a cyber sale at a cyber site
 on air fryers... 
and i bought one... 
a glossy black air fryer that sat on one of the kitchen counters and collected dust when it wasn't frying french fries or egg rolls... 
so i decided that it needed a cover... 
i found the box labeled "kitchen appliance covers" in the Great Pile of Stuff
looked over the patterns and decided the one that might fit it was the same pattern that i'd used for the Monster in the Kitchen...

just to be sure, i slipped the Monster's cover off...
 slid it over the top of the air fryer...
and it fit! 

woo hoo! 

so i tugged the cover back over the Monster...
and grumbled about it being a bit too tight and a lot too short...
and had a light bulb moment...

if i was gonna make a new cover, why not make it for the Monster?!? 

and make it FIT this time?!?

so i did...

i made a little mat with a tab on it so i can slide the Monster out from the corner without it screeching like a banshee... 

and made the pockets a little taller so they don't sag with the weight of the paddle and the dough hook...

the air fryer is wearing the Monster's hand me down cover...

and the little mat was such an improvement that i used up all the rest of the quilted fabric making little slider mats for the blender

 and the air fryer

 and the food processor...

and everything was hunky dory... 

till Michael Myson gave me a waffle maker for Christmas... 

a glossy black waffle maker that collects dust when it's not making waffles...

sigh...

anywho...

someone celebrated a birthday this week...

which meant that Melissa baked someone's favorite little muffins...

and since the oven was already hot, someone baked herself a LXVth birthday cake...

and it was SO GOOD!!!

The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes.

Frank Lloyd Wright

the monster in the kitchen

back when Auntia and Mrs. Moth were taking cake decorating lessons, Auntia burned up our mixer and i had to go buy a new one... 

a mixer that could handle beating a gazillion pounds of royal frosting for thirty-five hours without setting the house on fire... 

okay...

 okay...

 okay...

the poundage and the time may be exaggerated a bit...

 i'm just sayin' 

she did her research and decided that the only mixer that could handle what she was planning on putting it through was this monster...

ugh...

she was gonna call it Black Beauty... 

but after we heaved it outta the box and onto the counter and she plugged it in and turned it on, i decided that it may be black, but it was no beauty... 

it makes the most gawdawful sounds when it's doing its job...

 and it is impossible to keep the dust (especially flour or powdered sugar dust) off of its shiny, glossy, sleek surfaces... 

we have a teeny tiny kitchen without enough cabinet space for canned food and staples, glasses, and dishes, let alone kitchen appliances that are the size of a small horse... 

so the mixer, the toaster, the food processor, the coffee pots (two - one for me and one for her on accounta she and i don't agree on coffee, for the most part), the quesadilla maker, crockpots in just about every size and shape, and the blender (which she just HAD to have after she went to Florida and came back wanting to make butter beer - thanks a LOT, Harry Potter - but we didn't have a way to shave ice) and whatever else - all of it - sit out on the counters and shelves...

 and all of it collects kitchen dust (the worst kind) and looks ugly...

anywho...

when that ugly mixer came to live here FIVE YEARS AGO i decided that i needed to hide it with a cover...

 and i put that on the List... 

i have a BUNCH of Mary Engelbreit fabric in the stash and just knew that it wasn't gonna be a problem...

yeah, right...

sometime last year i decided that what was keeping me from making the cover was i don't like to do my own quilting... 

so i sent a BUNCH of Mary Engelbreit yardage and some white muslin to the World's Most Wonderful Longarm Quilter, Liz Bowman in Milan, Michigan and asked her to quilt something Mary Engelbreitish on it... 

she sent it back quilted with pretty posies and butterflies...

and it sat in a pizza box with two paper patterns (from about thirty years ago) for kitchen appliance covers (that no longer fit the modern world's kitchen appliances) and a Mary Engelbreit panel...

till sunday...

i was on the Pity Pot (Fathers Day always does that to me) and thought i should wander around the Magick Shoppe and look for a distraction that didn't involve snowflakes or skulls...

 my eyes settled on the pizza box labeled kitchen appliance covers...

 it was armed with everything that i needed other than a pattern that would actually FIT the mixer or the food processor or the toaster or the quesadilla maker and if had time to feel sorry for me, i oughta have time to do this, right?!?

i took out the cutting mat and set up Thor Batrastardson in the dining room and went to work...

a few hours and several bad words later...

SO MUCH BETTER!!!

it's not perfect... 

it could be an inch or two longer ... and i'd already cut the curves in the fabric before i realized that it was directional and i had it upside down... 

but it is done...

 and done is better than not done... 

i put pockets on the sides to hold the whisk...

shouldn't that be eat your cake and have it too! ?!? i've always thought that was backwards...

and the dough hook and paddle...

you and me, both, Counselor Troi!!!

 the mixer made the other appliances jealous, so i made a cover for the toaster, food processor, blender, and quesadilla maker, too... 

but then i ran outta steam and decided that the coffee makers didn't need covers on them, anyway, cuz we are always brewing a new pot...

so... 

cross THAT off the List!!!

We have a limit, a very discouraging, humiliating limit: death. That's why we like all the things that we assume have no limits and, therefore, no end. It's a way of escaping thoughts about death. We like lists because we don't want to die.

Umberto Eco

kitchen nightmare

when i moved into this house i had every intention of reworking every thing in it ... i especially hated the kitchen ... i was gonna tear out the cabinets and knock down a wall and replace the sink and the counters and the floor and the appliances and put up wallpaper and get rid of the wrought iron railing ... everything was gonna be new and improved ...... and then reality set in ...... it was a year before i had enough money just to paint the cabinets (the previous owners had slapped a coat of white paint on the doors, trying to cover the gross dark brown "wood", but didn't bother painting the insides or replacing the trim) and another year before i could replace their hinges and handles and trim ... there was no microwave (i thought i could live without one - till i found myself wandering around aimlessly with a cold cup of coffee and no idea of how to warm it up) and the dishwasher pooped out after the first month - i used it as a dish-drying rack for two years ... next to die was the refrigerator ... the oven was hotter on the outside than the inside and only three out of four burners worked on the stove top ... i lived with just one side of the kitchen sink working (the other side had the non-working disposal and there was something wrong with the drain) for five years and the faucet dripped so much that i kept a two gallon bucket under it to collect water for the few plants that were still surviving outside ... the counters were faded butcher block (yeah, right) Formica that never looked clean and was covered with chips and missing chunks ... there was thick ceramic tile on the floor - anything that dropped on it shattered into bits and pieces - and the grout was gross ... the railing was rusted and rickety ... one of the lights didn't work and two outlets had no power ... the patio door leaked like a sieve and the "garden" window over the sink was even worse ... it was a nightmare...

...i painted every paintable surface with Benjamin Moore semi-gloss white paint ... and then i painted it all again ... and again ... and again ... finally, i used Kilz on the surfaces that just wouldn't cooperate ... three more coats of the good stuff (it's amazing with all those layers of paint that there is any room left to walk, huh?) and i decided that was gonna have to do ... Sears installed an over-the-stove microwave (a scratch and dent find) ... the dishwasher has been replaced twice ... can't live without a refrigerator (i replaced the original with a freezer-on-top/fridge-on-bottom - it fit into the space, but i couldn't open the fridge door all the way - so the veggie drawers were never used ... bought a side-by-side, but the freezer is too narrow to hold a turkey ... sigh) ... the stove had to go before some innocent bystander was burned ... then the railing was replaced by unpainted bookshelves (more paint - and fake bead board to cover the backs and sides) and a shiny black tile counter (that i built with my handsaw and trusty tile cutter) ... i liked the tile, so i covered the little counter between the stove and the fridge with it, too ... i still liked the tile and put it on the window sill (not a bright idea - glossy black tile under an open window looks dusty five seconds after it's been wiped down) ... i replaced the light fixtures and had a ceiling fan installed ... then black Formica counter tops (i wanted granite - yeah , right - like that's ever gonna happen) were installed, along with a new sink (it's deep enough to give grandbabies a bath) and disposal ... i put up pleated shades (when they were on sale at JCP for 60% + 10% off) ... i hung pictures and shelves and unpacked my Mary Engelbreit plates and teapots (that i bought B.D. - when i thought i had discretionary income) ... and then i had the awful tile floor replaced with wood flooring ...... all of this has taken thirteen years ...... and everything that could go wrong in the process has gone wrong ...... the final touch was gonna be a bar table and stools ... i wanted an oak pub table and oak swivel bar stools with leather seats and fancy backs ... i settled for a chrome and black (plastic - when they wear out i want to replace the vinyl with leather - i think i can) retro set that was $109+shipping on eBay...

...i think it's kinda cool looking...

...it arrived via UPS and i took pictures of the box because it looked like it might be damaged...

...the corner was smashed - but the contents were all present and accounted for ... except the instructions on how to put the table together ... no problem, right? there's a picture on the box - i can figure this out...
...i tried to put the table together, but it didn't work - i couldn't get the rings to fit ...... so Auntia and i followed the enclosed instructions for assembling the bar stools - they actually swivel, which is way better than what i thought i had ordered - and they went together just like the instructions said they would ...... and then we started on the table again ... we tried three times to get the rings on the table like they are shown in the picture - see the rings on the outside of the legs? then i sent an email to the seller, asking for a copy of the instructions ... and waited ... and waited ... and waited ... that was eleven days ago and i still haven't heard from him ...... anywho, after three days i decided to search the Web for instructions on how to assemble a retro pub table ...... an entry caught my eye - it was someone on eBay selling a table just like mine and stated in the little blurb that assembly was so easy her seven-year-old put the table together ... so i went to the site and read the rest of it - she said that she handed him the instructions and her little boy put the table together all by himself ...... and i thought well, yeah - he had instructions!!! and then i looked closely at her picture - the rings are supposed to go on the inside!!!
half an hour later ... voila!
here's another picture - you can see my time flies clock (another eBay find) in this one ... and if you look very closely, you can see my attack dinosaur's back amidst the plants - he used to roar but i think his batteries have died...

...anywho, after i got all of it this far, i decided to try it out ...... it has been a very, very long time since i sat on a bar stool ...... and i think i must have been taller all those years ago because i had to jump (backwards, mind you) to get up onto it ... and they must have downsized the seat part because my butt runneth over ...... next time i buy furniture online, i think i will go to some furniture showrooms and try it out before i order...

...look who came to see me today ... she is getting bigger - her toes actually stretch out her newborn clothes...

...she always frowns when i hold her, even if she's asleep ... little stinkpot...