Friday, July 30, 2010

summer whine

i've planted raspberry plants a gazillion times ... raspberries and their leaves are full of good stuff for human beings - minerals and vitamins and tannins ... anywho ... every year i'd plant a few raspberry bushes and they never grew ... i'm not talking about producing fruit ... i mean the plants never grew ... not even enough to harvest a few leaves for infusions

a few years ago one of my coworkers was complaining about her raspberry plants being totally out of control so her husband took a rototiller to them and their roots were sending up shoots all over the garden and there were too many berries for five people and who likes raspberries anyway and wah wah wah

are you kidding me?!? you have got to be kidding me!!!

anywho ... she threw some dirt in some old plastic nursery pots, stuck in a few shoots, and brought them to me
honestly, dianne - i don't know why you would want these - they grow like weeds and i don't want to hear you complaining about them being out of control in your yard

i carefully loaded the pots into my car and brought my new babies home ... i left them in the pots for the first two years cuz i was afraid that if i planted them they would go into shock and die ... i finally planted them in a sheltered area ... and watered them ... and talked to them ... and pretty much begged them to grow ... they kinda sputtered and wilted ... and most of them died ... two years ago the three plants that were left came up and grew a little bit ... last year there were actually blossoms on the plants ... those blossoms developed into the most beautiful red raspberries ... they were sweet and delicious ... and they were gone in about two seconds cuz five raspberries are not even a hand full ... this year the plants went a little crazy ... there were berries ... more than five ... a lot more than five ... and i had visions of raspberry jam on buttered toast in the midst of the cold, dark winter to come ... one morning Auntia was checking out her pumpkin plants ... she came in with a few ripe raspberries ... LuLu opened her mouth like a little bird, signed please, and ate those raspberries ... i told myself not to worry cuz there would be more raspberries the next day ... but LuLu was thinking the same thing ... every day for two weeks Auntia would pick a bunch of raspberries ... and every day LuLu would eat all of them ... one morning last week i went outside very early on the pretense of watering the potted plants and picked all of the ripe berries ... i sneaked inside and poured a bowl of cereal ... sprinkled some sugar on top ... and added my treasure... red raspberries on rice chex ... Oh. My. Gawd.
i sat down ... and i ate them ... before a certain little baby girl could gobble them down while squealing
MINE! MINE! now me! now me!
i suppose i shoulda felt guilty ... and i did a little bit ... so ... yesterday i begrudgingly shared the first zucchini (sauteed with olive oil, garlic and onion) with LuLu ... and guess what? she didn't like it - bwah ha ha!!!
else likes zucchini ... which means that it is all
MINE! MINE! now me! now me!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

go ahead ... make my day

it was late at night ... Harry's wife could see the garden shed from their bedroom window ... she told him that he'd left the light on in the shed ... Harry didn't remember leaving it on ... when he opened the back door so he could go out and turn off the light, he saw that there were people in the shed ... they were loading his things onto a pickup truck

Harry phoned the police

the dispatcher asked

is an invader in your home?

Harry said

no, but there are some people breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me

the police dispatcher said

all patrols are busy. lock your doors and we will send an officer along when there is one available

Harry said


he hung up the phone and counted to 30 ... then he phoned the police again

hello. i just called a few minutes ago because there were people stealing things from my shed ... well, you don't have to worry about them now because i just shot both of them ... the dogs are eating them right now

and he hung up

within five minutes six patrol cars, a SWAT team, a helicopter, three fire trucks, a couple paramedics and an ambulance showed up at Harry's residence ... they caught the burglars in the act of stealing from Harry's garden shed

the police captain said to Harry

i thought you said that you'd shot them and the dogs were eating them!

and Harry answered

and i thought you said there was nobody available!

"The term "Make My Day Law" comes from the landmark 1985 Colorado statute that protects people from any criminal charge or civil suit if they use force – including deadly force – against an invader of the home"

Saturday, July 24, 2010

done ... done ... done ... done ... done ... knot done

last night was another Friday Night Sew-In ... i didn't need to work on this...
Le Witche Boutique - seven of twelve
cuz it was done ...... and i didn't need to work on these...Paper-Pieced Saturday Sampler BOMs -
Handy Andy - Crossed Canoes
Jack in the Box - Cross and Crow
cuz they were done ...... so i put this together...a wibbon bwanket for a wittle baby
but it didn't take as long as i thought it would ... so i sewed together the black flannel that was on sale at JAF last week for $2.50/yard for the back of The Ghastlies ...... and then i put this together...NoJo's burger pocket
so this guy...NoJo gives a whole different meaning to the term meat head
can finish his first-ever-cross-stitch-project ... he has been working on a Cars bookmark...who says real men don't stitch?!?
instead of doing his summer reading ...... anywho ...... i searched high and low for the pattern that i made for mug hugs so i could start working on the 23 that i need to make as party favors for a brand new baby girl's shower in september ... but i couldn't find it anywhere ... and that made me too pissy to start on the 23 tea wallets ... so i took out the yarn for a daisy baby afghan for the same little baby girl and got this far...loves me, loves me not, loves me, loves me knot
before i decided that this is one more thing that just ain't gonna get did any time soon ... but it will make a lovely fifth or sixth birthday present, won't it?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

pay back

the young bride's wedding day was fast approaching
nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parents' nasty divorce

her mother had found the perfect dress to wear
she would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ... ever!

a week later, the young bride was horrified to learn that her father's new trophy wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother
she asked her father's new wife to exchange it
the new wife refused ... she replied
absolutely not!!! i look like a million bucks in this dress and i'm wearing it!!!

the young bride told her mother, who graciously said
never mind, sweetheart ... i'll get another dress ... after all, it is your special day

a few days later they went shopping and found another gorgeous dress for her mother

when they stopped for lunch, the young bride asked her mother
aren't you going to return the other dress? you really don't have another occasion where you could wear it...

her mother smiled and replied
of course i do, dear! i'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before your wedding...

Sunday, July 11, 2010

simply ghastly

my sister loves halloween ... my sister loves the Addams Family sister's living room is mauve ... my sister needs The Ghastlies...they're all together ooky
i fell for the fabric the first time i saw it at Desperate Quilters ... the plan was to make a double irish chain - with the different characters fussy-cut in 6 inch (finished) blocks ... none of the local quilt shops have The Ghastlies ... i had no idea that the characters are so BIG ... waaaay too big for 6 inch blocks ... so i modified the center of the blocks to be 6x10 ... there's a green peeper border around the black inner border ... this flimsy is crying out for a black flannel back and binding ... and i'm thinking that it needs big pink roses quilted all over it
i love this little coven of witches...i always feel like some body's watching me
the fabric comes in other colorways - green, orange, mauve and grey .... and i was gonna buy some more for me ... but i think i'm kinda over the whole creepy, kooky, mysterious, spooky family

Friday, July 9, 2010

elephant in the room

mama said there'd be days like this
it was unseasonably cool for two days ... but now the heat is back on and i'd like to be hanging out with the saggy baggy elephant ... oh ... wait ... i have been hanging out with the saggy baggy elephant ... let me just say this about that - i am happy that the flimsy is done and i don't have to look at Sooki and friends for a while cuz it stopped being fun about ten minutes after i started working on it ... first i messed up the flying geese ... fortunately, i cut them way too big instead of way too small ... and then i messed up the flying geese again ... they were still too big ... they finally fit the book blocks after the third time of going under the knife ... then i couldn't find an alternate fabric in the stash for the four patches in the corners ... Auntia and i have sworn off buying fabric till we've paid for the computer ... with the exception of Hallographix ... which i am buying come hell or high water ... i wanted to go shopping - but i knew i couldn't spend real money, even if i did find something that would work ... and then i remembered that my stash card for The Quilters Studio still had some dollars on it ... ... Auntia found the nectarine fossil fern - woo hoo!!! and i could finally finish putting the blocks together ... time for sashings and cornerstones ... i remembered too late that squaring fabric on the grain doesn't necessarily mean that the stripes are gonna be straight ... yep - i've got crooked stripes ... the blocks are square, but they look like they're waving at the crowd ... grrr ... anywho ... it'll have to do cuz i am outta fabric and it's just too darn hot to sweat the small stuff ...

where's the beef?!?
i cooked with fire on the fourth of july ... i even managed to make grill marks on the chicken that was marinating for fajitas the next day ... Auntia successfully cooked with fire, too - she toasted three perfect, golden marshmallows ... The Pioneer Woman Cooks cookbook has a recipe for blackberry cobbler that is simple and gooood ... i used raspberries instead of blackberries for our fourth of july and white, no blueberries
when i was grocery shopping, i found a red star-shaped platter and two plates that matched the dessert stars on sale ... so they came home to live with us...
now that's what i call fine dining - eat your heart out, Gordon Ramsey
and Auntia served the pasta salad in some little bowls that are shaped like onions ... i thought they were garlic when i bought them - but onions are almost as good ... we had Auntia's 4th of July mix CD blaring a whole lotta Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue for the enjoyment of our neighbors who all seemed to show a sudden interest in the 16-inning Colorado Rockies game ... then we watched The Closer till the fireworks started ... it rained enough to put out the barrel fire that our neighbors had blazing and to wash away the smell of sulfur one set any roofs on fire and the celebration went off with a whole lotta bangs ...... and soon everyone will run outta pop bottle rockets and roman candles and firecrackers all of which are dangerous and most of which are illegal but there's no elephant in this room, is there?
nope - just the saggy baggy one

Sunday, July 4, 2010

america the beautiful

american beauty
Auntia always dresses up for the fourth of july ... i think a princess should wear her tiara whenever the opportunity presents itself...

happy 234th birthday, America!

Friday, July 2, 2010

fruit floats

jammin' with the flamingo
this year we got to the strawberries before the robins did ... this was my first attempt at making strawberry jam ... the fruit is floating ... it's not supposed to do that ... i should go back and reread the recipe's helpful hints ... but i'm outta strawberries ... and outta sugar ... seven cups of sugar for eight little half pints of strawberry jam - sheesh ... but Auntia says it's even better than Smuckers ... she likes homemade so much that she's been outside chasing the squirrels away from the peach and apple trees ... always planning ahead

bad hare day

Thimbleanna is waging war against the rabbits ... and the raccoons ... and the ground hogs ... i hope her lilies win

and Mama Spark, the Queen of Lagomorphs, has entered her neighborhood quilt in a design contest ... you can vote here

Thursday, July 1, 2010

bad hair day

this is my sixth (of twelve) Hocuspocusville block ... at this rate, i will finish the stitching sometime around the middle of never

p.s. - the Twilight Quilters Coven is sponsoring a giveaway here ... these quilters are making some amazing blocks based on the Twilight saga ... vampires and werewolves - what's not to love?