groan ... tell me it isn't that time already

every year at about this time, my sister sends me my yearly dementia test ... i dunno if she's afraid that i may be on the down side of mental acuity or if she is afraid that i will take her down that slippery slope with me...

it's the time of year to take your annual senior citizen test ... exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles ... as we grow older, it is important to stay mentally alert ... if you don't use it - you lose it ... here is a private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence ... take the test presented here to determine if you are losing it or not ... relax ... clear your mind ... and begin...

YOUR YEARLY DEMENTIA TEST

1. what do you put in a toaster?

answer: bread ... if you said 'toast' give up now and go do something else ... try to not hurt yourself ... if you said 'bread' go to question 2

2. say 'silk' five times ... now spell 'silk' ... what do cows drink?

answer: cows drink water ... if you said 'milk' don't attempt the next question ... your brain is overly stressed and may even overheat ... content yourself with reading appropriate literature, such as Good Housekeeping ... however, if you answered 'water' then proceed to question 3

3. if a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks, and a black house is made from black bricks ... what is a greenhouse made from?

answer: a greenhouse is made from glass ... if you answered 'green bricks' why are you still reading these?!? if you answered 'glass' proceed to question 4

4. it's 25 years ago and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany ... if you recall, Germany was politically divided at that time into East Germany and West Germany ... anywho ... during the flight, two engines fail ... the pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure ... unfortunately, the last engine fails before he can do so and the plane crashes smack in the middle of 'no man's land' between East Germany and West Germany ... where would you bury the survivors? East Germany? West Germany? or no man's land?

answer: you don't bury survivors ... if you said anything else, you're a dunce and you must stop ... if you said 'you don't bury survivors' proceed to the next question

5. without using a calculator - you are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales ... in London, 17 people get on the bus ... in Reading, 6 people get off the bus and nine people get on ... in Swindon, four people get off and 6 people get on ... in Cardiff, 11 people get off and sixteen people get on ... in Swansea, three people get off and 5 people get on ... in Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 people get on ... you then arrive at Milford Haven ... what was the name of the bus driver?

answer: oh for crying out loud! don't you remember your own name? it was YOU!

so ... what was your score?

the first time i took this test, i didn't get past the first question ... and i still think that there is more than one correct answer - waffles, bagels, pop tarts, toaster strudel - to name a few

as for the second question - baby cows drink milk and baby cows are cows, right?

and number three - greenhouses are not made just from glass - there are plastic greenhouses, too ... and who ever heard of pink bricks? i've heard of peach bricks and terracotta bricks, but pink?!?

as for number four - what kind of airplane has three engines? i've seen airplanes with one or two engines and with four engines, but i've never seen an airplane with three engines ... although i have seen starships with three nacelles

and the fifth question is just not even fair - how am i supposed to know the answer when i've never been to Britain? i was more worried about getting lost and counting passengers than who was driving the bus

but i've taken this test a whole lotta times now ... and i know all of the right answers - even if they are wrong