Monday, June 15, 2009

pick ME ... choose ME ... love ME

last night i finished the last of the nine-patch blocks for A Quilt for Melanie Wilkes block swap ... i laid them out on the living room floor and asked Auntia to help me count them ... i was picking up each one and setting it back down in a nice, neat pile - she fingered through her stack ... when i added up her numbers and my numbers i was one block short ... but i was sure that i had 120 of them, so we counted again ... and then i had one too many ... so we counted yet again and came up with the number i was looking for...
...this afternoon i put them in Ziploc bags and set them next to the bag with the un-pieced blocks ... then i cleaned up the cutting area because it was an awful mess and started on the BOM blocks (which is what i should be working on right now instead of fiddle-farting around on the computer) ... but i kept thinking about not missing the deadline for mailing the Miss Melly blocks - it's more than two months away and there is plenty of time - but i just couldn't get it out of my head - so i took them all to the post office and sent them on their way ... and came home and started obsessing again ...... my quilts have always been for people i love who love me back ... and, with the exception of The Real Thing and Sew Big, my friends and family have loved what i have made for them ... but these blocks ... well, these blocks are for real quilters ... quilters who know everything about Civil War reproduction fabrics and what shirtings are and what conversational shirtings are and sew perfect seams and understand color values and have made a gazillion quilts that are all beautiful and have swapped blocks with each other for years and have been friends for even longer and ... well ... just and, i guess ... and i wondered what was i thinking? i don't know anything about this - if it wasn't printed on the selvage, i wouldn't know Civil War repros from novelties from calicoes. i don't sew perfect seams. i am mediocre at pressing. i have nothing to contribute. why did i think that i could do this?

i've given that some serious thought - why did i think that i could pass myself off as a quilter? and i don't like the answer, not one little bit because it is shallow and juvenile and plain old stupid ...... because ... just this once ... i wanted to sit at the cool kids' table

2 comments:

ranette said...

ahhh Dianne, I know exactly how you are feeling. The important thing is that you stepped out of your comfort zone and did the swap....good for you! Also I'm sure that your blocks are just as good, if not better than anyone elses in the swap.
So, YOU GO GIRL!!!

Sheila said...

I think your blocks look great!

People tend to forget that we all started somewhere with quilting and, as in all of life, our skills and techniques and styles change as we evolve and come full circle to what works best for each of us.

The tackiest thing I ever saw was a lady return blocks to the person who made them because they didn't fit 'her' style/color of what the quilt should look like.