eve was framed

EVE: i’ve got a problem.

GOD: what’s the problem, Eve?

EVE: i know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake ... but i’m just not happy.

GOD: and why is that?

EVE: i am lonely ... and i’m sick to death of apples.

GOD: well, Eve ... I have a solution ... I shall create a man for you.

EVE: man? what is that?

GOD: a flawed creature with many bad traits ... he’ll lie, cheat, and be vain ... he'll give you a hard time ... but he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things ... I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs ... he will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about ... he won’t be as smart as you, so he will need your advice on everything ... and he will have limited emotional capacity, so you will have to help him with that, too ... I can promise that you will not be bored!

EVE: sounds great ... what’s the catch?

GOD: well... you can have him on one condition.

EVE: and that condition is?

GOD: as I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring ... so you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first ... and it will have to be our little secret ... you know, woman to woman.

this post was brought to you by one of my female email buddies

remember

American Airlines Flight 11's crash into the North Tower...
United Airlines Flight 175's crash into the South Tower...
American Airlines Flight 77's crash into the Pentagon...
United Airlines Flight 93's crash into a field in Stoneycreek Township in Pennsylvania...
and the lost souls...
remember

kinda corny

the leaves on the peach tree started to change two or three weeks ago ... some of the wood vine has already turned scarlet ... and the weeds are even starting to work on root storage instead of making seeds ... this is the last long weekend of summer and it has been beautiful ... and when i wasn't doing stuff that i should have done last weekend like sweeping and mopping and dusting and cleaning and laundry and watering and weeding and cooking and shredding and filing and paying bills and grocery shopping i was working on these......the beginning of the pieced border for Mr. Husker's Homestead ... the centered corn and the leaves are in the Big Book of Quick Rotary Cutter Quilts by Pam Bono - along with the mountains, the log cabin trees, the small pine trees, the big deciduous tree, and the cows - but i had to figure out the sideways corn ... i am going to tweak one of the pieces to eliminate a seam that doesn't need to be there ... and make 20 morewhy ... yes ... yes, that is a (mostly empty) glass of wine ... which is totally against the recommended safety precautions listed in the grill's instruction booklet
Auntia has been begging for a grilled hamburger all summer ... for the past ten years ... i don't like making fires and i don't like cooking outside - i use my little George Foreman grill for hamburgers and then scrub up the grease that gets all over the kitchen ... but Auntia has been all sinusy and puny and i felt sorry for her ... so yesterday i bought a little Kingsford grill that was on clearance and some charcoal and...

ooohhh - deviled eggs, too! yum yum!!!
ta da! i cooked with fire!
no matter where i stood, the smoke followed me ... my dad used to tell me that smoke follows beauty ... i must be gorgeous because i reek of charcoal/corn/burger smoke ... anywho, Auntia got her burger and grilled corn and she said it was the best ever! as for me - meh - it was okay.

Ranette is having a giveaway for a halloween wallhanging - it is so doggone cute! She makes absolutely beautiful quilts ... and she is the Queen of Red!

isn't she lovely? isn't she wonderful?
and now, the burning question ... what is Mrs. Moth doing with a screwdriver and the vent for the microwave? it's a sad and disturbing story about a very, very stupid (and very dead) bird ... a story that deserves its own post ... but not today

inquiring minds want to know

who is Mr. Husker?mr. husker holding itty bitty for the first time ... yeah - he always has a toothpick in his mouth

Mr. Husker is my sister's husband ... ... he is Traveling Man's and Mrs. Izziesmom's dad ... he is Itty Bitty's grandpa ... and my children's Uncle Doogal ... his first name is Duane but nobody calls him that ... nobody calls him Mr. Husker, either ... Husker is actually Mr. Husker's brother's wife's pot-bellied pig's name ... but he is from Nebraska and is a major Husker fan ... when the University of Nebraska (the Huskers) plays against the University of Colorado (the Buffaloes) Mr. Husker and his 12 brothers and sisters do NOT root for the Buffs ... and if i try to call him Duane i crack up because the knock knock joke keeps going through my head
knock knock
Who's there?
doo-ane
Duane who?
doo-ane the tub ... i'm doo-ow-ning
well ... i think it's funny
he is the hardest working man i have ever known ... he owns a tool store and works a black Angus cow/calf (and the bull, of course) operation and he stockpiles hay all summer and he cuts wood for the wood stove and fireplace when he isn't working in the garden and mowing the (2 acres of) grass and building out-buildings and fixing stuff around the house and building fences and digging wells and working on trucks and playing with Itty Bitty...... anywho, Mr. Husker is gonna be 60 on march 29, 2010 and he's gonna get a quilt ... from me ... because that's what i do

how 'bout them broncos?!?

win or lose ... it ain't no secret that there are bronco fans living in this house ... and one of them who shall remain anonymous but her initials are Auntia is a little bit goofy about the whole first and ten thing...

it doesn't matter that her blues don't match - those pants are classic and that's a Lynch jersey ... he's gone, but she has not forgotten
yes ... yes ... she actually does dress like that for every game ... she paints her toenails orange and blue ... she drinks Orange Crush with an orange straw in the official Wendy's Bronco 2009 Collectible Schedule Cup ... and she shakes those pompoms which her season-tickets-holding brother gave her as a consolation prize for having to sit at home and watch the game on a small screen tv instead of the excitement and pure joy of going to Invesco Field at Mile High and cheering them on in real life with him like a dallas cowboy (hiss!) cheerleader ... on steroids ... i gave her those classic sweatpants purchased for me, myself, and i the first time we went to the superbowl and were soundly trounced by the despised dallas cowboys in 1978 and in return...
dianne's IN-COM-PLETE bronco quilt
...she made this quilt for me ... if you look closely you can see the famous bronco head quilted from border to border...
bucking bronco
...and my sister embroidered this terrific towel for me ... it should come in handy for wiping sweat off my brow during tense moments ... and dabbing tears when we're losing ... and waving in the air when things are going our way as i dance the happy dance and shout woo hoo!!!
go broncos!!!
gotta go - the game's on

blood on the moon

can you hear Gillian Owens moaning "BLOOD ON THE MOON! BLOOD ON THE MOON!" in Practical Magic?
the wildfires in california have colored our sunsets for the past few days ... this was the moon just after sunset on august 31, 2009 ... kinda spooky, huh?

forty-four by eighty

over the weekend i put Mr. Husker's herd and home and haystack and woodpile and Old Orange (who is still missing his wheels) together with some new trees and a garden and a flagpole while ignoring the messy house and the dirty laundry and the trashed yard and ended up with this...

...and sewed the final seam connecting it to the other section last night...bottom to toptop to bottom
there is an unbelievably major mess in the magic shop ... i'm gonna put this away ... and then i'm gonna clean up the mess ... and then i'm gonna figure out how to piece cornstalks for the borders ... but before i do any of that i hafta go make a living and chase some dust bunnies around the house