Sunday, December 5, 2010

rule of thumb

this is Thor...i used to believe that Thor's last name was Svenson ... but now i know that he is a member of the Batrastardson clan
this is the flimsy that Auntia loaded onto Thor's quilting frame...oooo!!! Lakehouse Hydrangeas!
to quilt for Michael Myson ... she loaded the bobbins and threaded Thor ... she put on her ear buds and started to stitch ... i was in the magick shoppe working on some fruitcake christmas packages ... i heard the usual colorful words that are muttered whenever one of us is trying to get Thor to cooperate ... i didn't pay much attention ... i was rocking with the Steve Miller Band when i heard an urgent
can you come help me?!? please?!?
i sighed and muttered
coming
can you hurry?!? please?!?
i'm coming! okay ... what?!?
could you please help me ... my thumb is stuck on the machine
your thumb is what?
my thumb whimper ... is whimper stuck ... on the needle whimper whimper... please help me!
oh ... my ... gawd...
there was Auntia ... leaning over the quilting frame ... with her thumb impaled on Thor's big fat needle...that is one big fat needle!!!
all the way through my baby girl's thumb ... i took hold of her hand and slid it down and off the needle ... and cut the thread that was embedded in it ... and followed her up the six stairs to the kitchen ... i pulled out the thread and held her hand under cold running water ... rinse and squeeze ... rinse and squeeze ... again and again and again ... the bleeding stopped and i turned to take two or three steps to get a kleenex to wrap around her thumb...
thump
...
thud
...
thwack
...
i turned back to find my baby girl crumpled face down on the kitchen floor ... i carefully rolled her over ... her eyes were open and i said
what hurts, baby girl?
my thumb!
okay ... what else?
my head!
she closed her eyes ... opened them ... and groaned
and now i know that
1)
when Auntia faints, it is with her eyes open and she talks just like when she's asleep
and b) i should never leave her alone with Thor Batrastardson
and thirdly) i need to make her sit down with her head between her knees if she has been injured ... even if she insists that she is okay

she is bruised from head to shoulder/elbow/wrist to hip/knee/ankle ... and her thumb hurts ... she is refusing to go anywhere near Thor and this is a direct quote doesn't care if that effing quilt ever gets effing quilted cuz she effing hates it...

the fingers must be educated, the thumb is born knowing
Marc Chagall

7 comments:

Molly said...

Get that Viking barbarian out of there! Ouch, I hope she will be okay. Not the quilt's fault...It's beautiful!It's an extreme sport, this quilting, but we take the risks because we have to create! Give her a hug from here...

Gretchen said...

As we say in the South: Bless her heart! And bless yours. Let her know it's like riding a bike and also to never let a "man" get the best of her. She'll be quilting again soon. With caution.

The Twilight Quilters Coven said...

Ouch is right!

Do you remember my pinky from months ago that Alex slammed in the bathroom door? It still hurts!!!!!!!! It will never be the same....

Gran - Knot-y Embroidery Lady said...

Groan!!! With your writing and my imagination I am having a hard time not ROFLOL, but then I sober up with thoughts of poor Auntia - sorry.

Jennifer said...

Ouch, poor girl.....tell her she needs lots and lots of hugs and chocolate to make it better. And yes, it's like falling off a horse or a bicycle, you have to get right back on again.

Mama Spark said...

Oh Dear!! I do hope she recovers quickly! What an awful day for her. She really needs to go back and try again though or she will make you do her quilts from now on!

Thimbleanna said...

Ouch! And Hahaha -- Auntia certainly has a colorful vocabulary -- and justifiably so! Thor need a timeout!