Friday, November 6, 2009

why men should not go shopping with their wives

the following was sent to me by one of my email buddies ... it just so happens that he is male, married, and retired - but his name is not Mr. Samuel, so i don't think he's the guy in question...

i retired, my wife insisted that i accompany her on her trips to Target. unfortunately, like most men, i found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. equally unfortunate, my wife loves to browse.
yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target...

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other peoples' carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that, in turn, resulted in a union grievance, causing Management to lose time and costing the Company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department, to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if she could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.


  1. Love it.....that's another keyboard you owe me!

  2. I have read that one before and it is so funny. thank you for the good laugh this morning

    Love and hugs Gina xxx

  3. Excellent! Thanks for the Saturday a.m. laugh fest!

  4. Thank you, thank you for the early morning laugh!!

    Oh another note....I'll bet Mr. Cornhusker is happy that his team beat am I :o)

  5. This truly made me LOL and brought tears to my eyes. I have never seen this before and I love that you shared it. It might show up on my blog!