Thursday, December 31, 2009

love is where you find it

NoJo and Gumdrop have a poster in their home of Found Hearts ... they look for hearts everywhere and both of them ask me to take pictures of the oddest things that have hidden heart shapes

Gumdrop and NoJo also like to drink hot chocolate with lottsa marshmallows before they leave for school on cold winter mornings ... i like the sound that the spoon makes when i stir in the chocolate ... and i like the way the bubbles on the top refract the light with little rainbows...
Gumdrop's chocolate heart
i don't count the marshmallows - i just pour them in till they start to fall off cuz there's no such thing as too many marshmallows in your hotto chocolatto - and i like to hear my grandbabies slurp - sip - sluuuurp the good stuff into their mouths ... and watch their little faces glow when the warm reaches their bellies ... and i think their chocolaty-marshmallow moustaches are too doggone funny...
NoJo's chocolate heart
and sometimes they see hearts in their cups ... cuz love is where you find it


happy new year!!!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

note to self

years and years ago my sister bought three identical Sugar Britches baby dolls - one for each of us - dressed in little pink dresses and sporting the Sugar Britches pin ... i packed mine away after i was stabbed by the pin ... Little Nonnie wanted her Sugar Britches baby doll to have a bed to sleep in, so she bought a square basket with a muslin liner and was always planning to crochet a doll-sized blanket, but she never got around to it ... since she doesn't crochet anymore, i decided to put some of those leftover pink and brown blocks together and make a little doll quilt for her...it really isn't wonky - i am always in a hurry when i take pictures ... i swear those pink and brown blocks are multiplying - i think that they are just about gone - and then more of them show up
and take it to her yesterday for christmas ... i didn't put a whole lot of effort into it because Little Nonnie thinks that quilting is a huge waste of resources and can't understand what the big deal is and asks how i can mess up squares and rectangles ... so when she opened the package and said you finally got the hint! ... i thought i had hit the mother lode of quilty gifts for her ... but when she unfolded the little quilt and saw what it was, the expression on her face changed from finally - a gift that i want to oh - swell - how am i gonna re-gift this piece of whatever this is supposed to be? it seems that what she wanted was another tote for her walker ... what she did not want was a doll quilt for a doll that now resides in her dresser drawer (who knew?) ... or a year's supply of PreserVision (registered trademark) because maybe she wants to try a different brand (who knew?) ... or six each of 7 different kinds of cookies - half of which were chocolate in one form or another which she doesn't eat any more because chocolate makes her choke (again, who knew?) ...... and i remember that this woman used to love christmas ... she stayed up in a freezing cold house till the early hours of the morning, sewing pajamas and doll clothes so she'd have something to put under the tree for her family ... she started her christmas baking the day after thanksgiving and didn't stop till christmas eve ... she hosted a christmas breakfast for all of her children, their spouses and her grandchildren every christmas morning till she moved out of our childhood home ... she showed up on our doorstep one christmas with a reindeer antler headband and a flashing red ball on her nose and gifts for everyone in her arms ...... and i think that i will change my memory of yesterday to be not so ... linear.

a song isn't its final note. it's all its notes at once
Jef Mallett

Thursday, December 24, 2009

ready ... fire ... aim

the kitchen is as decorated as it ever gets...
my little scandinavian girl - i didn't get her out till after the 12th for the past few years cuz the little advent angel kept sliding back down to the 1st ... this year it didn't hold on the other half, either
i'm going for understatement
i'd like to say that i thought of this nifty embroidered towel - but Target beat me to it
... and i baked a few of these...hey - your peanut butter is in my chocolate!
whoa -your chocolate is in my peanut butter!

peanut butter cookies with Hershey kisses ... i baked tea cakes and lime meltaways, too ... and made dough for pizelles - but they're not gonna get done before tomorrow ... neither are the strombolis ... nor the cabbage pockets ...
and the living room is as lit as it's gonna get...and Auntia thought that those peppermint lights were something we could live without a couple of years ago ... now she's the peppermintanalia collector
here's Auntia baking cookies ...stand up straight!
i was supposed to get an apron made for her with hunky christmas guys...that's better! isn't she just the cutest baby girl?!? bless her heart!
but i didn't get that done, either...she's got the whole world in her hands
and LuLu has learned to play the chimes ... that' s the space christmas tree behind her...
maybe i'll take you on a tour sometime ... but for now ... christmas decorating and baking and wrapping and posting is as done as it's gonna get

happy christmas!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

groan ... tell me it isn't that time already


every year at about this time, my sister sends me my yearly dementia test ... i dunno if she's afraid that i may be on the down side of mental acuity or if she is afraid that i will take her down that slippery slope with me...

it's the time of year to take your annual senior citizen test ... exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles ... as we grow older, it is important to stay mentally alert ... if you don't use it - you lose it ... here is a private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence ... take the test presented here to determine if you are losing it or not ... relax ... clear your mind ... and begin...

YOUR YEARLY DEMENTIA TEST

1. what do you put in a toaster?
answer: bread ... if you said 'toast' give up now and go do something else ... try to not hurt yourself ... if you said 'bread' go to question 2

2. say 'silk' five times ... now spell 'silk' ... what do cows drink?
answer: cows drink water ... if you said 'milk' don't attempt the next question ... your brain is overly stressed and may even overheat ... content yourself with reading appropriate literature, such as Good Housekeeping ... however, if you answered 'water' then proceed to question 3

3. if a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks, and a black house is made from black bricks ... what is a greenhouse made from?
answer: a greenhouse is made from glass ... if you answered 'green bricks' why are you still reading these?!? if you answered 'glass' proceed to question 4

4. it's 25 years ago and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany ... if you recall, Germany was politically divided at that time into East Germany and West Germany ... anywho ... during the flight, two engines fail ... the pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure ... unfortunately, the last engine fails before he can do so and the plane crashes smack in the middle of 'no man's land' between East Germany and West Germany ... where would you bury the survivors? East Germany? West Germany? or no man's land?
answer: you don't bury survivors ... if you said anything else, you're a dunce and you must stop ... if you said 'you don't bury survivors' proceed to the next question

5. without using a calculator - you are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales ... in London, 17 people get on the bus ... in Reading, 6 people get off the bus and nine people get on ... in Swindon, four people get off and 6 people get on ... in Cardiff, 11 people get off and sixteen people get on ... in Swansea, three people get off and 5 people get on ... in Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 people get on ... you then arrive at Milford Haven ... what was the name of the bus driver?
answer: oh for crying out loud! don't you remember your own name? it was YOU!

so ... what was your score?
the first time i took this test, i didn't get past the first question ... and i still think that there is more than one correct answer - waffles, bagels, pop tarts, toaster strudel - to name a few
as for the second question - baby cows drink milk and baby cows are cows, right?
and number three - greenhouses are not made just from glass - there are plastic greenhouses, too ... and who ever heard of pink bricks? i've heard of peach bricks and terracotta bricks, but pink?!?
as for number four - what kind of airplane has three engines? i've seen airplanes with one or two engines and with four engines, but i've never seen an airplane with three engines ... although i have seen starships with three nacelles
and the fifth question is just not even fair - how am i supposed to know the answer when i've never been to Britain? i was more worried about getting lost and counting passengers than who was driving the bus
but i've taken this test a whole lotta times now ... and i know all of the right answers - even if they are wrong

Saturday, December 19, 2009

'twas seven nights before christmas

and all through the house
a creature was stirring
and it was a mouse...

now it's a dead mouse
that trap was sure handy
baited with peanut butter
and chocolate chip candy

he went for a sniff
and a nibble or two
then snap, crackle, pop
his story was through

if we had a kitty
we wouldn't need traps
but cats make us sneeze
and scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch

so ... good bye, little mouse
but before you go
tell all your friends
to stay out in the snow

note#1: one mouse was killed in the writing of this poem
note#2: animal control does not rescue mice that aren't on the endangered list - i know this from experience
note #3: animal control doesn't rescue skunks, either ... they shoot skunks ... i know this from experience, too

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

yo ... Santa!

i heard that youse are lookin' for a list from me of what i might want...

so do me this favor

i won't forget it

ask your friends in the neighborhood about me
they'll tell you i know how to return a favor

tell your friends at the Jolly Jabber i don't want a lot ... just enough to wet my beak

it's not personal, Santa

it's strictly business

so
i'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse ...

leave the fat quarters

take the cannoli

xoxo.
dianne

Monday, December 14, 2009

newsflash

we interrupt our previously scheduled program to bring you this newsflash...

Blogger is now allowing videos to upload

so ... here is Corbadoo's christmas song ... he is the little guy in the middle who hugs the other little guy and muhwah! muhwah! muhwah!'s with the best of them, receving a lot of aaawwwwwsss!!! from the audience...

video

sheesh - that woman just would not sit still ... being vertically-challenged has its disadvantages

we now return to our previously scheduled program

YOUR LIFE

already in progress...

Sunday, December 13, 2009

you talkin' to me?

i dunno know why but i didn't complete last month's SS3 BOM till last tuesday ... or maybe it was wednesday ...... anywho, it was not in a timely manner and i decided to not let that happen with this month's block...november's on the left ... december's on the right
...so now i can fuhgeddaboudit till next month

Saturday, December 12, 2009

six and one-half

today is Gumdrop's half birthday - woo hoo!!!
and today was Saturday Sampler 3 meeting #6 at TQS ... i took a quick snapshot of our blocks just before we walked out of the door so it's kinda blurry...Auntia's on the left and mine on the right ... whoa dude - that's making me dizzy
...this block was easier than the others have been - i dunno if that's because i am not as intimidated by the templates or because Auntia has assured me that she will trade blocks with me when we are all done - i really, really, really don't like the focus fabric ... anywho, TQS had their windows and door painted for the holiday season...

Mingo's friend

a very clear view of the other side of the street
...and some sample quilts made from the Sherry Berry fabric line that Auntia likes so much hanging in the window ... christmas stuff is gonna be 50% off the day after christmas - but there's already no figgy pudding left - sigh ... and there will be a reunion of all the BOMs and Saturday Samplers next saturday - i still haven't decided on settings for the pink and orange blocks that i made for Saturday Sampler 2 ... Auntia has a plan for the Lakehouse blue hydrangea blocks that we made, but she can't find the sage hydrangea petals fabric that she wants to use ... so we don't have anything to show ...... anywho, there will be a new BOM starting the first saturday in february of red & white or blue & white paper-pieced blocks from Sylvia's Bridal Sampler ... i have some serious issues with paper-piecing - i just can't seem to think in reverse and sometimes i can't think in forward, either - but Sheri says it's easy - maybe she can get it through my thick noggin ...... there was a display of art quilts in the back of the shop and i thought that this one...hey lady - you've got a bird on your head
...was really cool ... the quilter made it for a Hoffman Challenge ...... after the BOM meeting, we dropped off some vitamins for Little Nonnie and then headed back ... this was the view going 65mph while southbound on 287...
doesn't look like much snow, does it? but that field is covered with 2-3 feet of the white stuff
...right now it is 36 degrees and it feels almost balmy compared with the earlier part of the week ...... Corbadoo performed in a preschool christmas program this afternoon...
(and the video should appear here, but Blogger still hadn't loaded it after 6 and 1/2 hours ... so ... no video)
that big old head of hair that keeps blocking the view belonged to the tallest lady i've ever had to sit behind
...he's the cutie-patootie in the middle giving his classmate hugs and getting the most aaaawwwwws!!! from the audience ... Peanut Butter Cup's foot was caught in the seat and it ruined her afternoon ... this was as happy as she was gonna be...grumpus maximus
...and that was after Auntia tried consoling her with chocolate ... Corbadoo posed one more time...no smiles here, either
...before the Man in the Red Suit stopped by for a visit ... and then we went to two different Targets, Hobby Lobby, and JoAnn's looking for R2D2 lights and a tree topper for the space tree ... no luck finding either at any ... i guess that Yoda will have to remain in exile on Dagobah for another year

Thursday, December 10, 2009

23

at exactly 1:30 this morning my baby girl became exactly 23 years old ... which was a huge disappointment 23 years ago on accounta she wasn't supposed to make her first appearance till christmas day ... long ago twenty-three years to be exact the local hospitals used to wrap newly-delivered christmas babies in christmas stockings when they brought them to their mothers after their first baths ... and i wanted me a stockinged baby ... or at least a santa hatted baby ... instead i got a little screamer oh my gosh could my baby girl scream fifteen days too soon ... sigh
i was organized that christmas ... i think it was the first and last time that i had everything ready to go three weeks before christmas ... the tree was up ... the house was decorated ... the cookies were baked ... the presents were bought and wrapped and paid for ... the cards were signed and pictured and sealed and stamped and delivered ... the stockings were stitched and hung - even an embroidered stocking for the new baby except for the name on accounta ultrasound wasn't used for determining gender back in the day ... the strombolis were baked and in the freezer along with enough spaghetti sauce to sink a battleship ... christmas movies were watched ... christmas carols were played and sung along with ... christmas pageants and programs were attended - except for Michael Myson's preschool event which was in the evening on december 10th - he and the rest of the family were there but Auntia and i hadn't been released from the hospital ... hurt feelings and old arguments and broken promises and ill will were placed on the back burner ... and we had ourselves a merry little christmas ... except that i didn't get my baby in a stocking - but i got over that ... no i didn't ...... anywho, Auntia has been celebrating her birthday since sunday ... she baked herself a cake on accounta she didn't want the plain old chocolate cake from a mix and chocolate frosting from a tub that i was gonna make...isn't she lovely?!? isn't she wonderful?!? and see her pretty peppermint cake stand?
Auntia and Kim are both on a quest for peppermintanalia

...and she cut a piece for me can you believe that strawberries are $8/pound?!? and a piece for herself...my baby girl knows how to cut a piece of cake! and that stuff in the background is my stack of things to do ... before tomorrow ... please sir - may i have some more hours in my day?
...and i fixed her favorite dinner - cherry chicken - which i made again for lunch today cuz it's one of Mrs. Moth's favorites, too ... and now we're waiting for homemade turkey pot pie to finish baking for her second favorite dinner ... i took a picture of the cherry chicken...we couldn't decide whether it looks more like lungs with bloody loogies or kidneys smothered in coagulated blood
...it is an ugly, ugly dish ... but it smells like heaven and tastes so very, very good ... and she's received cards and phone calls and gifts all day ... and i sang happy birthday with the nice lyrics - leaving out any mention of looking like a monkey or living in a zoo ... and now i will write it one more time...
happy, happy, happy birthday
baby girl!!!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

minus 17

was the official low for the day...
how cold is that in Celsius? i dunno - here's the link - but i thought i was gonna dislocate my collarbones when we went out for NoJo's christmas concert ... my shoulders shot up around my ears and didn't come back down again till we came back home and i wrapped up in three quilts ... maybe i'll start a new system for measuring the temperature and call it SER - Shoulder to Ear Ratio...look at those dimples!!! he gets those from me!
...here NoJo is in the red shirt that his mom went out to buy for him during her lunch hour cuz he didn't think a green shirt was festive enough ...... the school's halls were decorated with gigantic bugs that the third graders made during their insect unit...Jofes the Dragonfly
this one is NoJo's... Jofes?!? seriously!?!
he's never been able to say (or spell, apparently) his middle name ... his mom wanted a picture of it before it gets torn to shreds by elementary school bee rats ... so here it is, Mrs. Moth!

minus 10

i used to work with a funny ha ha not funny strange guy from Fargo, North Dakota ... he was kinda bald on the top of his head and he had a Fargo accent yah... shure ... yoo betcha and he told lottsa Sven and Ollie jokes that were politically incorrect and got him into a lotta trouble with Management and when it was cold he wore a Fargo hat like this one...LuLu the red-nosed baby
...you gotta promise to not tell Mrs. Moth that i put a boy hat on her little girl's head ... you know what he knew that the rest of us didn't?!? a Fargo hat with sherpa lining and ear flaps is warm and toasty even when it's 10 degrees below zero (that's minus 23.3333333333336 in Celsius) which is what it was in downtown Denver when i woke up this morning ... sheesh ... it's cold in the world outside!!!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

24

i don' t think she's ever gonna get around to blogging about it, so i am gonna update the world on how Auntia spent twenty-four hours on the thanksgiving weekend ... she slept in ... then she ate some of dianne's world famous coffee cake which was made with apples and not cherries, so it wasn't as good as Auntia thought it should be ... then she and NoJo hid out in Auntia's room and watched Star Trek instead of the parade and they checked every few minutes to see if Santa had made his appearance and hollered down the stairs no Santa yet! to keep dianne from coming up to see what they were really doing ... Auntia took a shower after the m&m's left and put on some clean jammies ... the rest of the afternoon is a blur - i'm not sure what she was doing ... i do know that it did not involve helping get the turkey in the oven ... Mrs. Moth had given her a ticket to the thanksgiving bronco football game and Earth Science gave her a ride to a parking lot about a mile away from the stadium which used to be called Mile High and they walked the rest of the way fueled by adrenalin and maybe a beer or two ... Auntia's seat was in the north stands close to the horse's head that you can't see if there are people sitting in the stadium and she said that it was hard to keep track of the yardage cuz there was no yellow line like there is on the tv to tell her how close they were for a first down ... she was sitting with Mr. Moth and his brother and some other guy who was tired enough to fall asleep during the game - that's his story and he's sticking with it ... she must have done a lot of cheering and shouting because she was very hoarse when she came back home ... the broncos broke their 4 game losing streak - they beat the Giants woo hoo!!! and Auntia was in a really, really good mood ... the next time i saw her was at 4:30 on friday morning ... JoAnn's had CriCuts which we did not need but Mrs. Blakesmom did for some ridiculously low price and snuggle flannel for $1.49/yard and we were determined to not stand in the cut line for three hours and then in the check out line for another hour like last year ... we arrived at the storefront at 5:45 and there was already a line of thirty or forty people ... one of the store reps was handing out tickets for the CriCuts for some ridiculously low price but Mrs. Blakesmom and Mrs. Moth had already scored a CriCut for some ridiculously low price at the Northglenn store ... so we headed to the flannel ... and started loading up a shopping basket ... after we had one basket full, Auntia took a number for the cutting table and i hung around to wait for our number to be called while she picked out wreaths which were also a ridiculously low price to take to the cemetery ... and some more flannel ... and then she selected some yarn for the sunflower afghan that she's gonna make ... and some more flannel... and a peppermint spatula for flipping christmas pancakes ... and some more flannel ... and a peppermint batter spatula and a snowman batter spatula ... and some more flannel ... and some halloween trims ... and some more flannel ... and after we'd filled two carts with stuff, i decided that i'd had enough of standing in one place ... i wandered around to look at the storage containers which were also some ridiculously low price and when i returned to the carts i saw this......it was about 7:30 in the morning and there were still 13 numbers ahead of us for the cutting line......Auntia has never, never, never been a morning person ... she was running on one cup of coffee and a bite-sized York Peppermint Patty ... but while i was on my walkabout one of the people we befriended in line gave Auntia her ticket and we had moved up 5 people in the blink of an eye ... woo hoo! we were outta there by 8:10 and i took Auntia to Village Inn where we waited 45 minutes for a mediocre, over-priced breakfast ... and then we went to Target ... groan ... where we spent more money that we don't have ... by the time we made it back home Auntia had been awake for the better part of 24 hours ... and she took a nap ... the end

Thursday, December 3, 2009

a repeat of Orville Wright Redenbacher aka Popcorn

for those who may not want to try reading it in the original klingon...

thanksgiving ... roast turkey ... and the leftovers from tommy turkey ... i finished clearing all the meat off the bones seems like a better word than carcass, eh? and sat down to read a few blogs before the game started ... i laughed when i read this post by Tanya ... and then i remembered that i never did tell the sad and disturbing story about a very, very stupid (and very dead) bird and Mrs. Moth...

once upon a time in september there lived a grey bird who didn't know when to keep his beak out of places where he should not be ... he flew around the blue sky and then landed upon the roof at a month of sundays ... being a ground feeder and not finding a comfortable place to roost since the roofers had eliminated the overhang where he and his buddies used to like to hang out and poop this grey bird had absolutely no business there ... but he decided to poke around anyway ... he hopped over to a brown metal square and pecked at it a bit ... he realized that it was not food, but he decided to investigate a little further ... he hopped under the metal square and found a round tube ... there was very little clearance between the top of the metal square and the edge of the tube, but this grey bird was too beaky to let it go at that ... he squished himself up onto the edge of the round tube ... he pecked a bit and turned his head, scoping the tube with his beady eyes ... he pecked a bit more ... and lost his balance ... and found himself sliding down the round tube ... he fell and fell and fell ... he scrabbled and clawed and tried to stop his slide on the slippery slope to the depths of darkness ... he thudded to a stop ... bruised ... broken ... peck ... peck peck peck ... peck peck peck peck peck ... he heard voices asking who was popping popcorn in the microwave and he stopped ...... peck ... peck peck peck ... peck peck peck peck peck ... he heard the voices again ... he fluttered and gasped and pecked and flapped and scrabbled ... but he could not get out ... he heard the voices again ... one of them was calling animal control ... there's a bird in my microwave vent and i can't get him out ... no, the vent won't budge ... no, i can't see it, i can hear it ... yeah, it sounds like popcorn popping in the microwave ... uh huh ... that's right, a bird ... no, i don't think it's an endangered bird ... well, it has grey feathers - i think it's a pigeon ... you only rescue endangered birds? well ... maybe this is a famous bird ... maybe it's Orville Wright Redenbacher ... the kids named him Popcorn ... so, how do i get him out of the vent?

now, what the bird didn't hear was the animal control officer on the other end of the phone telling dianne to climb up onto the roof and lower a string down the vent ... he told her that the bird would take hold of the string with his beak and she could slowly pull him out ... he warned her that when the bird saw who was on the other end of the string, he might freak out and fall back down and she would have to start all over again, but it was certainly worth a try ... the animal control officer seemed to be very sincere and eager to help ... dianne is an incredibly gullible woman ... and she has been on the receiving end of countless pranks ... and she has, for the most part, been a pretty good sport about being the butt of jokes ... but she really expected better of the public servant (whose salary is paid by hardworking taxpayers like herself) who answered the phone when she asked for help ... so, if the Westminster Animal Control officer who gave her this line of bee ess ever reads this post ... well ... just know that she thought you were a whole lot unprofessional ... and maybe just a wee bit funny

seriously? yeah ... right ... seriously?!?! ...... no, that's not gonna happen ... uhm ... thanks? ...... the little grey bird pecked a few more times before he died ... and that is why Mrs. Moth was helping dianne take apart the microwave vent...

we were finally able to shove the vent to one side enough to reach the bird, but neither one of us wanted to touch it ... that's what tongs were made for, right? i poked the tongs through the opening and on either side of the bird and then froze ... i could not make myself squish the tongs together ... so Mrs. Moth took them from me and did the deed ... feathers were fluffing around (have i mentioned my pteronophobia?) and the grey bird's feet were poking through (have i mentioned my orinthopodophobia?) as she stuffed his lifeless body into the tripled plastic bags that i was holding to catch him in ... all of this while both of us were standing on step stools with our eyes shut tight ... shiver ... and then she put the vent back together while i disposed of Popcorn ... it was an altogether unpleasant experience that i decided to not blog about till i could find some humor in it ... it is kinda funny ... unless, of course, you look at it from Popcorn's beady eyed point of view
fear makes the wolf bigger than he is
german proverb

font gremlins

if you look at my previous post with Internet Explorer it looks like it's in code:
Internet Explorer hates me!
but if you look at it in Mozilla Firefox, it is witty and funny and clever:
Mozilla Firefox is my friend!
okay, maybe not witty and funny and clever, but at least it's in english ... i tried using the webdings font (webdings, just in case the font gremlins are at it again) and i guess Internet Explorer doesn't like it ... or maybe the tiny little spirit of Orville Wright Redenbacher still doesn't see the humor in the whole story!